It was suggested by a member of Connect, that I write about joining Weight Watchers, what was the best support, the worst support, and how I have kept going.
By no means, am I an expert, nor do I have answers for others. I have only been on the program for three months. I can only tell what is working, or what has not worked for me.
In a previous post, I mentioned that I joined Weight Watchers because I hated myself - hated what I saw in the mirror. I saw a Weight Watchers commercial, and thought "Hmmmm. Maybe I should try this." I wasn't fired up, but I did contact a friend on the program and get some information, and just signed up. I didn't know if I could do it. I actually thought that I would probably fail, but that it was worth a try.
In every aspect of my life, I have never truly accomplished any "goal" that I have set out to accomplish. If something gets hard, I give up and quit. This was my history. I quit everything - and, I always saw myself as a failure. Needless to say, I got to the point that I did not set many goals for myself.
I was hoping that this time was different, because I was sick and tired of being the person I was - the person I had become. Everything in my life had come together and was going really well, except for my weight and my self hate. It was time for a change, and this time, I did not want to fail again. That was just the beginning of the journey. I knew that I had a very long way to go, not with just my weight, but also changing my way of thinking. I had to get rid of my constantly negative frame of mind.
I started tracking, and, after a couple of days, I decided that it wasn't too difficult. In fact, I thought it was easy, too easy. I had a friend that wanted to also join. She had been a member before and had gained all of her weight back, and then some. I felt that I needed to stick to this, not only for myself, but to be a support system for her. A couple more of my friends joined. I thought that the extra support would be great, but I also saw this as extra pressure to succeed.
I had support at home. My boyfriend supports me in everything I do. He knew that I really wanted this. When I told him I would need support, I knew he would not let me down. He never has. I had the support of my friends. We had set up a group text to help each other. I had Connect, and found the stories, successes and difficulties of others, very inspiring. One of my Connect friends told me that I should follow @fatdag on Connect, and I should listen to his podcasts on the Whys Advice app. He is in his second year, so I have gone back to the beginning and am binge-listening. I recommend him to anyone who wants to succeed. He is so inspiring, and every podcast leaves me with a positive feeling.
I had to realize that the first, and main obstacle to my success, was me. I had always failed, and I had to get that out of my mind. I had to learn to focus on these goals. I became determined and dedicated to the program. I knew that I had to hold myself accountable, and that I had to be strict with myself and the program. If I didn't push myself, and hold myself accountable, not only to me, but to my support system, then I was destined to fail.
I also added exercise, and bought a treadmill for home, since getting myself to the gym was always an issue. I like early morning exercise, before work. This is where I struggle. I'm getting better, but I don't always get up and do this. I tell myself I will do it after work, and when I get home, I just don't feel like I have it in me. I usually exercise 3-4 times per week, but my goal is to do more, and I struggle with hitting that goal. I want to be able to run, and a trying a Couch to 5K program. Every time I have ever tried to run, I have quit. We shall see how this goes! I have completed Day One! (Hey, it's a start!)
Are my goals too big and unreachable? Am I setting myself up to fail again? Maybe??? I just know that this time has to be different.
Learning the program and adapting it to life wasn't easy. The first time we went out to eat at my favorite restaurant, I ordered what I could have, just to stay within my points and have a blue dot. I was obsessed with that blue dot. I wasn't going to use my weeklies. To me, that wasn't acceptable. I didn't have anything that I really wanted to eat, and definitely not what I usually have. I cried all of the way home. I didn't know that if I could make this work. I didn't want to quit, but that could have been the end. Not too long ago, that would have been the end, but I was still determined. My weight loss stalled out. Finally someone convinced me that the weeklies are meant to be used, and I learned to go out to a restaurant, and use my points and eat what I wanted to eat. I did stay strict and have never gone over my weeklies. I have never gone into my fit points. The scaled started moving again.
Another struggle is that I have an office where people are used to eating all of the time. The boss and employees constantly bring, candy, donuts and other things that I will not allow myself to have. I have been strong, and I turn everything down, mostly because I don't want to fail, but also because I don't want them to see me give in. Maybe that is something good that comes out of being stubborn.
I haven't had many of my favorite things since the beginning of the year. Oh, how I miss my m&m's. I just know that if I eat some of them, I probably won't be able to stop. The same goes for gourmet cupcakes, that I absolutely love, adore, and crave. To me, eating those things would be like a recovering alcoholic taking a drink again. It would be a setback, and I know it. I don't know all of my strengths, but I do know my weaknesses. (Hopefully someday, I will feel like I can handle this, and enjoy these things again.)
My son works at my favorite restaurant, and he is always asking if I want my favorite margarita, or dessert. I tell him that I don't, and he tells me that everyone should splurge sometimes. The meal there is my splurge. That's where I use a lot of my weeklies. I explain that to him, and he lets up. He doesn't understand that this could be a means of sabotage, however well-intentioned it is, if I gave into that way of thinking.
I have put a lot of pressure on myself this this time. I feel like my friends are counting on me to succeed and not let them down. I have people that tell me that I inspire them, and I want to succeed and keep inspiring people.
So, that's where I am, three months into my journey. I have lost weight. I feel like I am looking better. I truly see a difference. I have gained confidence, and I truly don't hate looking in the mirror any more. I try to remain positive about this at all times - which is really good for me. I have usually been the "glass is half empty" person. Now, I am seeing things differently. I have totally grown as a person, and I can only see positive things in the future. I have been inspired by many, and I wish to inspire many others.
I may fall off of the wagon, which I hope I don't, but I do know that I can get back up and get back on it immediately, because I do not want to go back to the person that I used to be.
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