Negative v. Postive Self-Talk and Self-Esteem

Before I get into stories, and my point of view on this topic, I have a confession.  I am a work-in-progress when it comes to this.  Knowing, and practicing, are two very different things.  It takes personal growth, and I believe that I am slowly, but surely getting there.

I believe that the majority of people are unhappy with themselves, for one reason for another.  We may feel fat, ugly, incompetent, lazy, or have any other of a million different ways.  I believe that we all can relate to some, or many of these feelings.

My story is that I did look at myself in the mirror, and I saw myself as fat, ugly, and sometimes, pretty much worthless.  Sometimes I saw a total failure in that mirror.  When I would talk to myself, and to others, I would call myself those things, but also referred to myself as a fat cow, a hippo, a moose, or a manatee (a sea cow).  How's that for hating yourself and being negative?  How this affected my self-esteem!  This negative self-talk never got me anywhere.  It only made me believe all of those things, which, in turn, made me unhappy, and kept me down.  Being overweight made me feel like a failure.  How did I let myself get this way?

At my previous job, a group of us were overweight.  Instead of facing the issue and doing something about it, we started a "club", as a joke.  We called ourselves the "Two-Ton Tilly Club".  We gave ourselves aliases, such as Fiona Fluff, Penelope Plump, Henrietta Hippo, and Rotund Rosie.  As we sat in the office and stuffed our faces, we made these jokes.  However funny that we tried to be, calling ourselves those names was really hurtful to me, as that is how I felt about myself.  Seeing myself in that light was a step in lowering, and decreasing any self-esteem that I had.  I was hurting myself with this talk, but yet, I wasn't ready to do anything about it.  I'm not really friends with these people anymore, as the place of employment, and the people in the office were toxic to me.  I'm pretty sure though, that they didn't like themselves much, either.

My boyfriend always told me - tells me - that I am way too hard on myself, and that I am not the way that I see myself.  Hearing this is great, but making myself feel that way, was, and is, very difficult at times.

Everyone needs and wants positive reinforcement, but we cannot count on others to give this to us.  Yes, sometimes people will say something positive to us, and about us, but we also need to give ourselves this positive reinforcement.  Why is it that we don't see the good in us that other people may see?  I do need to follow my own advice, and I try to offer suggestions to others.  I don't ever want it to be a "do as I say, and not as I do" type of person.  I recently told someone who was down on themselves, to make a list of ten things that were good about them.  For instance, "I'm a good mother."  "I have a great heart and am giving to others."  "I am talented," etc.  Everyone has good in them, and it is time for us to realize these good things about ourselves.  Maybe it takes something like putting a note on the bathroom mirror that says "I am beautiful" and repeating that to ourselves every time we look in that mirror.  The things that we say to, and about ourselves, become our beliefs, the more they are said.  If we keep saying positive things to ourselves, we should start believing them, and feeling better about ourselves.  It's not that difficult, but we have all probably have a hard time bringing ourselves up, even though we are used to trying to bring others up.  I'm sure none of us want anyone else to feel the way that we may feel about ourselves.

We should definitely keep building others up.  Positive reinforcement from others can go a long way, and like ourselves, there are people out there, that need to hear these things.

We all need to believe that we are beautiful, no matter what our size.  We need to believe that we are good.  We need to tell ourselves these things.

Confidence is beautiful.  It attracts others to us.  I definitely do believe that there is a very fine line between confidence and conceit.  As long as we are humble, people will not perceive us as conceited.

It is ok to pat ourselves on the back, and be proud of who we are, and what goals we are accomplishing, no matter how small these accomplishments may seem.  Anything that makes you proud is something that others may like for you to share.  Of course, some of these goals may be personal, and that is ok.  We don't have to share everything.  Every step we take toward loving ourselves is a wonderful accomplishment.

I hope this blog inspires at least one person to be kinder to themselves, and to try to learn to love themselves and see good when they look in the mirror.  I am trying to get there myself.  Just know that none of us are alone in this journey.  Low self-esteem is rampant!

I welcome any comments that anyone may have.  Others may appreciate your comments, too.

I also welcome any topics or ideas that you might like for me to write about.  I am sure there will be some days that I may draw a blank, and not be able to come up with a topic for a while.

I have added a button to the blog so that people can follow this, and get notifications, if there is a new post.

Thank you for reading this.  I hope everyone takes a minute to tell themselves something good about themselves and smile!  It will go a long way!